Lessons I Learn From Women #7: Krystle Miller "Be Yourself".

Krystle Amanda Renee Miller. Sister. Younger.  First two names came from the old lady's two favourite characters off the TV Show, Dynasty.  We have the same Mother, different Dad; however, to me she’s a fully-fledged sister. Younger siblings will never feel the absolute joy of describing you as a nappy-wearing toddler, especially those who are at least 15-16 years apart as Krystle and I are.

As a toddler Krystle loved chocolate, answering back and dancing. She would dance to Ready To Roll, shaking that ass in her cloth nappy, which was almost always damp, or carrying a brown cable the size of a python. Even at 12 months she was just being herself and she never stopped doing that, for anyone.

She was always immaculately dressed in the latest trends and had her first blonde streak in her brown hair when she was four.  There were many times her ears were definitely painted on, especially when you were calling her to get off the swing and she ignored you.  People look at you sideways when you are attempting to put a screaming child into a car and the child pretends they don’t know you. I stopped taking her to the park.

When Krystle was about nine or ten I took her to the movies and ¾’s of the way in she said she wanted to leave.  I patiently coaxed and cooed, got her more lollies and another drink, but she point blank refused to stay for the ending so we left. I never took her to the movies again.

I’ve watched Krystle go through so many life-changing moments in almost three decades. From the premature passing of her Dad Smokey 15 years ago, to a horrific car accident where she sustained unbelievable injuries. I remember getting the call from the old lady, and as I headed into the ER I could hear all this yelling of “f***” this and c*** that and sure enough, there she is, Krystle Miller lying on a gurney, blood every where and telling the Doctors and nurses “eff off you mother effers”. I walked straight up, looked down at her calmly said,“Hey – these people are trying to help you you egg, knock it off”. She’s instantly calmed down, looked up at me and said in the sweetest Krystle voice, “Tarsh…….is Mike with you?”.  Swear to god I didn’t know whether to laugh or cut her catheter.  (She was referring to my good friend Mike Puru, who, sadly for Krystle was not with me that evening.)

She’s tough. Everyone who knows Krystle will attest to that. She’s a fighter. She’s sentimental and fiercely loyal. If someone attacks her or anyone in her life that she holds close, she will fight for him or her.  She’s incredibly sentimental and holds her family close – particularly the old lady.  Krystle also wears her heart on her sleave, openly and unashamedly and I really admire that.

What I love about her the most is she is so much fun. New Years Eve 2012 and the Boyfriend and I spent a great night out with Krystle and soon-to-be Mr Krystle and it was a great night, speed bumps and all.

I have watched Krystle grow into an absolute babe whose infectious spunky attitude means anyone who is related or friends with her is in for a helluva good time.  My heart warms when I look at what this chocolate loving toddler has grown into.  A successful loving woman that is just as comfortable on the couch as she is in heels as a club. She is her own woman and I know her Father will be so proud of his girl.

Krystle Amanda Renee Miller, showing the world being yourself is the only way to go since 1986. 

Lessons I Learn From Women #6: Imogen Waters "Embrace Your Inner Child!!".

Imogen Waters. A pocket-rocket. Fun. Bubbly. Positive. Someone told me once that you should only ever hang around with people your own age – it showed maturity, it proved you weren’t trying to act anything other than your age.

Well sometimes – in fact a lot of time - I don’t want to be representing a 41-year-old half cast woman and be surrounded by other 41-year-old women.  If that were the case I would have an entirely different life. Friends come in all ages and this gal is one of my favourite friends and one of my youngest. I love having fun and Imogen Waters regularly reminds me that you still need to embrace that kid inside.

Remember what it was like not to care about what people thought of you? Remember not thinking twice when you went to jump into the pool or openly show affection by running to your Mum or Dad, and jumping up and down when there was a surprise for you? As we get older we tend to mask all of our emotions, to appear more “vanilla” with our reactions – why? Because we care too much about what people think of us and how we will be judged.

Imagine actually running towards your lover when you haven’t seen them for weeks or jumping up and down on your own birthday.  I’ve always worn my heart on my sleeve and I’m sure it makes me more vulnerable, however I don’t know any different.

Imogen Waters is a must-have in everyone's life. Labour Weekend 2012, the proverbial had hit the fan and I was in "Sad and Down" Town with my good friend Chardonnay and sidekick Marlboro Lights.

Coincidentally Imogen had contacted me for a catch up. Within two hours she swept into this little Bach at the beach armed with more wine, Tim Tams, freshly baked bread and a massive smile.  Imogen put music on YouTube as we sat sipping wine, discussing and overanalysing my mini trauma, gossiping about everything and....she sang. Imogen is blessed with the most beautiful, clean, soulful voice that envelops you in warmth and happiness. It’s like sitting in the warm sun on the world’s most comfortable couch, completely relaxed. She let me mope and cry and drink and smoke for the whole night, but the next day she ordered me out of my pajama's, into the shower, then out in the sun for a good walk, coffee and a kick in the arse. I felt great, and I'm pleased to report that everything worked out due to my attitude change at the hands of Imogen. 

I am so fond of this gal – fond of her because at 23 she is capable of letting shit go, of moving forward, of seeing the yellow in everything.  She loves big and she celebrates everyone in her life with the same amount of enthusiasm and finesse that makes you feel special.

But most importantly, Imogen knows the balance, how to be serious when needed, and how to have a great time, a good laugh and embrace your inner child.  This gal who has been through her own downs in life seems to balance them out perfectly with her ups.

And she has grabbed her inner kid, embraced her courageous nature and gone to Melbourne, where her warmth and friendship will create more friends like me and open many doors.  And I hope Imogen’s inner child will also give her the confidence to showcase her amazing singing talents.

I miss my friend, my youthful, adventurous and fun friend who giggles after a few wines, goes bright red after a few more and shows you the real world can handle you skipping occasionally, and jumping up and down just because it really feels good. 

Lessons I Learn From Women #5: Michelle Tolson, "You Can't Control How People Treat You, Just How You React!"

Michelle Natalie Tolson (on the left, the tragedy with the braces on the right is me), Taurus, works for the NSW Fire Brigade in Sydney (in fact she recently got promoted) also the older sister to four of us, and great friend to many.

My sister Michelle (Shelley) and I are the only two siblings in the family with the same parents – the rest of the siblings either share the same Father or the same Mother as us with stepparents in between.

Our Father raised Shelley and I after the old lady left us when I was about 12 and she was two years older. Over the years I have grown to accept and admire that my older sister is very, very close to our Father. It’s something I admire about her and a tiny part of me envies but they are seriously a lot alike. This woman loves motor-racing, swear to god if there was a choice between a weekend away at a spa retreat, and a weekend at the V8’s with a cold brew and great view, she would choose the latter. She also loves and knows all the rules of rugby and rugby league.  It is pointless watching a game with her unless a) you genuinely enjoy it and b) don’t try and pretend to know the rules when you don’t as nothing pisses her off more than having a know-all sitting next to her when they know nothing at all.

Shelley Tolson is a firecracker in a small yet very attractive package. The most independent, courageous woman I know, she suffers no fools but geez she’s a hard case.  And of course it’s no secret those born under the sign of Taurus can occasionally be a little moody and Shelley Tolson is no exception. HOWEVER, on the flip side when the girl is on, she’s ON fire.

If looks could kill – Michelle Tolson would be a serial killer. With one glance she can cut a grown man down to mere millimetres, and I have to say, most of them deserve it. This is not a gal who hits the town to prowl for men; she is one of those great, rare females who actually goes out to enjoy herself with the people she’s with.  Since my first nightclub experience with her when I was 15 (Peppers Nightclub, Papakura, yes you remember Marcia, Kay and Michelle) Shelley was like that and still is to this day. Friends first.

We had a bit of a shit childhood, we know it, we’ve dealt with it and it is an absolute miracle that my older sister has turned out as fabulous and well rounded as she has. I know she coped a lot of crap from me too after the old lady left us, and I really wish I hadn’t been such a dickhead little sister to her.

But as we got and continue to grow and experience our separate lives, we have gotten closer and chummier as friends and as sisters. Shelley is the stable one; I often refer to her as, “The nicer, calmer version of me”.  Which she is. Arama, Dana, Kyrstle and I know she is the one we younger siblings all look too – almost in a matriarch kind of way.

She also runs her house with military precision – seriously anyone who goes over there knows that. Sydney has Coles Supermarkets and Tolson’s. You very rarely have to go across to the Maroubra Road dairy for anything when you’re at Shelley’s because she seriously has everything. You know those little things you have to run to the Supermarket for like tomato paste or cream, or cold beer and fresh bread – Shelley already has them.

She’s taught me one of the most valuable lessons of all; we can only ever be responsible for our actions, not for the way other people behave. We can’t control shit that happens to us in our lives or those who choose to be negative, however we can control how we react and what we learn from those experiences.

And so my sister Shelley, on behalf of everyone who has ever met you or is fortunate enough to get close to you and call you a friend, you are fantastic, and please know this has been written with heart and love, to celebrate you. 

Lessons I Learn From Women #4: Cindy Kennedy "Anything Is Possible"

I'm hoping I do justice to the lovely Cindy Kennedy who I first met back in 1997 in Hamilton. Cindy was a sales rep at Radioworks Waikato and all slim and beautiful and stylish. We didn’t really have a lot to do with each other at first, and then she came to my rescue after my first real relationship ended and I was absolutely devastated.  I don’t whether I ever told Cindy but she taught me that ‘Anything Is Possible’ when I was at absolute rock bottom.  In short, Cindy kicked my ass, checked me out of 'Heartbreak Hotel' and helped me get on with it. I started to really enjoy life as a single woman in radio, in Hamilton for the first time in three years thanks to Cindy. 

We became good friends and when her relationship ended she moved into a very cool little flat on her own that was really tastefully decorated on a pretty tight budget. Lots of wine and vodka was drunk in that flat and many laughs were had and stories exchanged.  A few months later I moved to Auckland with work and we lost touch.

Fast forward to 2011 and through Facebook we regained contact and I caught up with Cindy in Wellington just before Christmas for dinner. She looked stunning and happy whilst being immaculately and stylishly groomed, whereas I had overdone it with a pink dress, heels and beat up leather jacket.

We had dinner and I listened in awe as my friend recounted her adventures of the last seven to eight years.

Cindy left NZ and moved to Sydney where she worked as a marketing rep for one of the radio stations. It wasn’t working out and so young Cindy took a punt and a job in real estate. At this stage she was counting pennies, living in a hostel-like situation and parking her beat up car around the corner so potential buyers wouldn’t see what she was driving when she was presenting Open Homes in posh suburbs. She moved up the chain fast and in her first year earned six figures, a few years later she brought her own home and last year she purchased a brand new, very sexy late model sports car.  However, despite her increasing wealth in life and success, she has the nous to stay humble and nonchalant about it all.

Cindy is now the most successful, independent self-made person I know.  This gal has had plenty of ups and downs in her life, and with Ms Cindy, it’s not how often you fall down, it’s how hard to kick your ass to get back up. Cindy works very, very hard, is an active philanthropist in many areas, is generous with her time, particular about who she spends time with and who she is friends with and most importantly, she takes time out for herself. She really looks after herself inside and out and actively attempts to be a better version of herself every day. Cindy has proven to me since I met her, that anything is possible, and even now as I struggle to find my way professionally, her words ring in my ears and I stand up and keep pushing forward. Cindy – you are an absolute inspiration, much aroha to you. 

Lessons I Learn From Women #3: Trudy Godwin "Know what you want and never give up believing you will get it."

This one is dedicated to the very beautiful Trudy Godwin. Trudy taught me to know what I want and never give up believing I will get it.  

I shall start at the beginning with the memorable introduction of Ms Trudy to Ms Tarsh.  It was Friday night, the night before Radio Awards at a waterfront bar in Auckland. Up walked Trudy looking all tall and beautiful in a top and jeans and seconds after we were introduced she leaned in and said to me, “Oops, I almost arsed over in these friggen heels, SO uncomfortable but god I love them…” and then she laughed and took one off to show me.  I was laughing with her and loved how candid and cool she was. However, I would later discover that whilst Trudy has great taste in shoes, she also possesses the smelliest feet of any woman I have ever known. Ever.

Everyone who meets Trudy – loves her instantly. She has that quality that makes you feel really important and you just want to spend as much time as possible with or around her, without it looking creepy or needy. In fact, I bumped into a guy recently who, after reminding me how we'd met, instantly asked about, “that really cool, cute brunette friend who you worked and hung out with”. Yes, after some five years of meeting Trudy, this guy still wanted to know if she was single and in town. (Trust me here Trudes, even if you were single, I would’ve lied.)

Trudy Godwin – emerald green eyes, brunette, loves rugby, Glee, working hard, laughing, High School fricken Musical, socialising, her family, friends and life in general.  She’s open and honest and she has this huge laugh that is quickly followed by a slap on the table or your arm.  There have also been the rare moments when I’ve also seen her very sad, because even this amazing woman has had her fair share of tough times, the sort of times that scar your heart and soul.  

However I have also seen (and tried to stop) her turn into a slightly cringy, wobbly mess in front of one All Black called Conrad Smith. I’m PRETTY sure she never practiced his surname after her first name, but it was getting close.

But it’s the lesson I learnt from Trudy that motivates me constantly and I doubt she even knows it.  We would often sit at an outside table, sipping our respective white wines in front of Hummingbird in Wellington, telling each other and the universe what we REALLY wanted to do. I wanted to volunteer at Mother Teresa’s house in Calcutta and Trudy wanted to give it all up, move back to Hawkes Bay, live a rural life on her own or with someone, and if it happens, meet a great guy.

Well I’m saving to get to India this year, and almost two years ago after moving back to Hawkes Bay, and purely by coincidence, Ms Trudy met Mr Simon who makes her laugh, warmed her heart....and owns a farm.  Now, doesn’t that just make you smile and feel good? That, ladies and gentleman, is exactly how it feels to know the very wonderful Trudy Godwin. “Know what you want, and never give up on believing you will get it”.