Lesson Fourteen: Try To Let A Guy Down Gently.

Walter Elwin. Blue eyes, brown hair and the first guy to tell me he loved me aged 15.

We were at Papakura High School together and I first laid eyes on him during fourth form Geography class with Mr McCrofskery. Walter was seating a few rows behind me being a pain and blowing spitballs at me through the barrel of a broken felt-tip.  I turned around and loudly told him to knock it off and then just to get him in trouble, suggested he go back to reading the Penthouse Magazine he was hiding under the desk.

I had NO idea that Walter had a crush on me at all. I mean our conversations went,

Walter: “Hey Natasha” (I’ve always hated being called my full name!)

Me: “WHAT?”

Walter: “You look pretty today.”

Me: “Shut up egg.”

One night at our house in Redhill I asked a few friends over – only because Dad was at the RSA, Dad never like people at home when he wasn’t there – especially hormonal boys.  We had about four Rheinecks between ten of us and there were cars all over the lawn. The stereo was blasting in the lounge and I was in my bedroom with some of my girl friends – probably looking in the mirror when Walter came in.

Walter: “Natasha, I need to tell you something.”

Tarsh: “Now? Can’t it wait?"

Walter: “NO – I want to tell you now, listen to me!!”

By this time I had my back against my wardrobe door and he was right in front of me.

Tarsh: “Okay, go on then if you have too.”

Walter: Trying to whisper something in my left ear, “Natasha I think I love you.”

Me: “What?  I can’t hear you."

Walter: Leaning closer to my ear and actually yelling just as the music went quiet, “Natasha, I LOVE YOU!"

Silence.

Deafening silence because not only did he temporarily deafen me, but also he’d yelled it so loud everyone in the lounge heard as they were changing the LP on the stereo.

So, I did what I do best. I made it worse.

Me: “Awwww….no you don’t Walter!” and I punched him in the shoulder and walked down the hall into the lounge where everyone had cracked up. 

Walter burst into tears, got into his red Anglia and drove home. I did end up going around with him – not because I felt the same way, but because he used to pick me up for school in that red Anglia and I didn’t have to bike. We lasted two and a half weeks. Walter emailed me a few years ago when I was working the night show at MORE FM and sent a photo saying he was married and still in Papakura. I replied with some niceties and wished him all the best with no further communication. Not the most romantic ending, but better than a punch in the shoulder.