Lesson Six: You Should/Can Never Change A Man.

Scott  – second love of my life. Met him when I was leaving the Edge Radio Station at a Singles Party in Rotorua. He galloped up the stairs to the bar Hot Lava with his good friend, Shaun and I thought, “Thank god, some talent has arrived”.

He had a nice look about him and I remember he text me the night after we met:

Him: “Hi”

Me: “Who’s this?”.

Him: “Scott Robinson – met u last night”.

Me: “Yeah I know who you are, Roger Daltrey look-a-like with the accountants hands and knack for losing jackets to needy girls”.

What the text said isn’t important, but the fact Scott kept that same text for three years until he accidentally deleted it is.

Scott is a very warm, very loving man and an amazing Father.  However he just couldn’t decide what he wanted to do in his life or whom he wanted to do it with. I could see the man he was desperately trying to be, so without permission I took it upon myself to try and make him get there before he was ready. Ultimately it lead to the demise of our four-year relationship

Two years into it, I moved to Wellington and after a few shaky months he followed.  Scott left Te Aroha early in the morning, but by 3:30 PM text to say he was taking his time and just hitting the Desert Rd. So I chilled out and the next thing I know he’s pressing his nose up against the kitchen window.  Two weeks later I had a bad feeling and my calls went unanswered. I shot out of work as soon as the breakfast show was over and got home. I opened the letterbox and Scott’s key was in there. I ran to the little townhouse right at the end, unlocked the door and rushed in. All of Scott’s things had gone. It was as though he had never been there and I’d dreamt it. I was so devastated that I simply crumpled to the floor in a heap and wailed. He’d left a handwritten note on the coffee table saying he couldn’t do it and didn’t want to see the disappointment in my eyes.

I have never been so hurt in my life – it was so painful and unbelievable and just a few days shy of my birthday. We got back together and battled it out for another two years but split for good in February 2010. I will never say anything bad about Scott – he was so easy to love. But I pushed him and subsequently realised that a man needs to be who he is, he doesn’t need to be changed or forced in the direction you want him to go.  And I learnt that your Father is always right. Dad’s summation upon meeting Scott, “He’s a nice boy Tarshie, but he’s not the one for you”. That was three months into seeing each other.