How do you take a compliment? I find it’s one of the most difficult things in the world to take – along with a pregnancy test and a shot of chartreuse.
I’ve never been very good at taking personal compliments because of my own self-doubt in my appearance and because I never really know what to say without feeling like a dick.
Giver: “Hey Tarsh – you look great, that colour really suits you”.
Old me: “Oh – not really. I mean I was going to wear black but my favourite top’s in the wash and this was the only thing that went with these jeans. In fact if anything I think the jeans make me look fat plus I’ve got this massive zit on my face….”. And on it goes. If I’d paid more attention I would’ve noticed the attention of the 'giver' quickly decline as they wish they’d never spoken to me in the first place.
When it comes to getting compliments about work, I’m very appreciative because I work hard and I truly believe in my abilities and dedication.
Then I met psychologist John Aiken who I went to see on the advice of my boss to try and feel better about myself. As usual with me, even the first meeting wasn’t normal.
John: “Hello Tarsh – please, have a seat”.
Me: “Okay – I’m not sitting on the couch though, I’ll take the armchair”.
John: “Sure thing, wherever you feel most comfortable”.
Silence as I sit down and look straight at him, walls up, defiant as.
John: “Well this is interesting, I’ve never sat here before”.
Tarsh: “What do you mean?”
John: “Well normally my guests sit here on the couch and I sit there on the chair, but this is new and it’s okay”.
(Who does that? Who sits in the psychologists chair?? Ironically John and I later worked together on the MORE FM Nightshow.)
(Who does that? Who sits in the psychologists chair?? Ironically John and I later worked together on the MORE FM Nightshow.)
John is exemplary in his field – so realistic, so patient and very interactive.
John taught me: By not accepting a compliment you’re either: - a) milking the person for more comments thus feeding your own over-inflated ego or b) trying to get them to sympathise and feel as bad for you as you do for yourself. John’s big lesson to me, “accepting a compliment says a lot about how you’re feeling about yourself”.
This was at least eight years ago that we had that talk and to this day and it is still REALLY difficult for me to say two words whenever given positive feedback on my appearance, “Thank you”. I’m a big compliment giver – I’ve been known to tell a lady in the Supermarket how great she looks and go back to a lady in a café to tell her that her butt looked great in her jeans.
The old adage is true about compliments the easier they are to accept; the easier they are to give. (BTW: Thank you for taking the time to read my little blog.)
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